What do you think about the international marriage?
what problems may arise?
What is necessary to do that international marriage was time-proof?

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/25/2008 03:33PM by Olive.

oh i think there must be lots of problems.

but i think it is a wise way to stay with each other in a long time before marriage.

for they can understand another profoundly.

i think in this developed world unlike in the olden days,it is quite cool as long as you love each other and are able to communicate.the bottom line is love.

it is perfectly okay as long both parties are willing to learn each other cultures. Unfortunately, here in the Philippines, some Traditional Chinese Families believes that they should belong with someone from our own race. However, if youre not pure chinese, sometimes, it is not enough. So it will depend on how strong their love for each other. Read this article below:

ONE OF the biggest enemies in a relationship is not the external, but the inherent; not the concrete things that sum up your compatibility, but the abstract, sometimes ambiguous idea of being true to one’s race or ethnic back ground.

In an increasingly globalized world, patterns of social behavior have become more random, social boundaries are slightly blurring, and the circle of trust among kin is expanding to include affinities, whether we like it or not.

In the Philippines, one of the "unspoken, but everybody talks about it in private" topic is that of Filipino and Chinese relationships. This is hardly a phenomenon. In fact, anthropologists could readily point out that far from being "different races," the Chinese and Filipinos share the same roots.

Shocked? In Tsinoy.com, an online community for, of and by Chinese-Filipinos, or Chinoys, as they would be rather called than the derogatory implied "Intsik," a discussion on inter-racial relationships fired up a list of passionate, oft personal, remarks from various young cosmopolitans, or YoCos.

From Dingo, 28, the issue of roots comes to play. "What do you mean by roots? How deep should the roots of a person's family tree be to qualify 'becoming' Chinese? Conversely, when do you disqualify a person from being Chinese? When does someone cease to be Chinese? When they are in a relationship with someone who isn't?

"By bloodline, Filipinos from Batanes down to Tawi-Tawi will admit they have at least one ancestor who was Chinese. Even the Tausugs are related to the Tan family! Going even further back in time, the Malayo-Polynesians who settled in the Philippines originated from the Chinese region. What could be more Chinese than that?"

Genetic similarities
Recent studies from sociologists recognize only three main races and their sub-races: Negroids which is accepted to be the oldest race; Caucasoids - Europeans and Middle Easterners and Indians; and Mongoloids East Asians and American Indians. Furthermore, Mongoloids, supposedly being the youngest and most evolved of all races, with specialized physical adaptations to high altitudes and glare and cold, such as slit eyes and fatty eyelids, are classified into three sub-races, which are: Classic or Sinic -Chinese, Mongolians, Japanese, Koreans, Eskimos and Siberians; Malayo-Polynesians - Malays and Pacific Islanders (that includes South East Asians); and Amerinds - Native Americans, Aztecs, Mayas, Incas, etc.

History textbooks show that the Classic Mongoloids (Sinic) emigrated southwards towards the China Sea and the Pacific, becoming Malayo-Polynesian races, and thus acquiring even newer physical adaptations such as distributed fat throughout the skin, enabling them to withstand immersion in cold water longer. In terms of evolution then, Malayo-Polynesians seem to be the highest evolved race of all, because it is the youngest race.

As for being educated in Chinese culture, most Chinese-Filipinos do not even know a fraction about their own culture. To require it of others is unfair. China has 128 registered minorities as of 1964, each with their distinctive cultures and languages. You cannot point to the Northern Han people as the sole basis for Chinese culture and language, especially since you will be disqualifying all Southern Chinese, including Hokkien and Cantonese peoples.

Thus, in the most basic root of it all, Filipinos and Chinese actually belong to one race. Technically speaking, you should not even call Filipinos and Chinese mating as interracial. The more correct term would be "inter-cultural." The term "interracial relationship" should only apply to Filipino-Caucasian or African-Latino relationships.

As Amy Chun, 26, said: "In this day and age, narrow parochial views regarding genetics just does not cut it anymore. If someone bothers to study and talk in the Chinese language, he (or she) should be accepted into Filipino-Chinese society as a full-blooded member."

Different points of view

How much education about the "Chinese" culture is required in a non-Chinese point of view then?

Does knowledge about F4 or 555 qualify? If not, why not? What if he (or she) memorizes all of F4, 555 or even Jackie Chan's songs in Mandarin?

In today's age, what is important is acknowledging and understanding one's heritage in heart, not in lineage.

Derrick Tan, 25, writes: "Maybe it's just my standpoint from a West-ernized/open value, but the idea of interracial relationships is perfectly normal to me. The idea of people who date strictly within their own race I do respect; in fact, it happens a lot even in the US. But the idea of dating one's own race/ethnicity out of personal feeling of superiority is prejudiced and ignorant. When I was in the Philippines last summer to visit relatives, they had told me that the Chinese in the Philippines will only date other Chinese. Which to me was a shock because that is just prejudice. I personally do not know the historical content of the pure Chinese seeking refuge or moving to the Philippines and their bad treatment they received from mestizos and pure Filipinos, but whatever it may be, that should not matter in the postmodern age we live in. For a family to disapprove of someone who is not of their race, be they Chinese or Filipino, is totally biased. I felt bad for my cousin, who is pure-blooded Chinese, who was shown disapproval by her parents because her boyfriend is Filipino, and is not good enough for her. The thought saddened me and I truly felt bad for her."

From Karla Tiu, who is of Filipino and Chinese descent: "I know how things are... I have seen my relatives try to break up a relationship of my cousins because the other person wasn't Chinese. I have a cousin who is going out with this guy who is Filipino. From what my cousin tells me, her mom is against it. I have seen this happen so many times...like for my brother who was going out with this nice girl, however, her parents never approved of the relationship. The reason why...my siblings and I are half Chinese, half Filipino. The girl was Chinese, came from a respectable family here, but the parents just didn't approve."

However, this thought isn't entirely true. A lot of Chinese-Filipinos do go out with non-Chinese, except that they are more discreet about it. This is because a lot of their kith, not necessarily their own relatives, would publicly frown on their relationship, casting furtive glances at the couple, and some even resorting to calling the parents of the person in question, and broadcasting the details as if awaiting a death sentence.

Also, it is not strictly due to racial discrimination that many Chinese parents will limit their children's relationship to other Chinese. It is mostly due to apprehensions about the economic levels and social behavior of non-Chinese.

In the Philippines, it is common perception, even among pure Filipinos, that those of Chinese descent will either be of higher economic standing or good businesspeople, or both. "There are incidents of Filipino parents persuading their children (especially daughters) to marry a Chinese in order to lift their economic status. So naturally, Chinese parents will also convince their children to marry other Chinese, even if only to prevent a lowering of their economic status," said Tim Ong, 25, quite matter-of-factly. "Aside from that, it is also a common perception, even among other Filipinos, that when you marry a Filipino, you'll likely get stuck with supporting the rest of his/her family. Mind you, other Filipinos complain about this, not just Chinese.

So, it is not really a wonder why many Chinese will discourage relationships with Filipinos."

Socio-economic root

Thus, the "prejudice" is not basically racial; it is more socioeconomic. As Ong explains further: "Wouldn't the tendency to marry into a family which is statistically financially more secure, normal?"

Lisa Cua, 24, who returned to the Philippines after taking her college degree in Canada, explains that this so called "discrimination" ma y ha v e stemmed from a human nature to stick to one one's kind, particularly after uprooting oneself from one's homeland.

"It's the same with other races, for example in the states, they used to have Little Amsterdam, Little Italy, etc. People of different ethnicities naturally prefer to associate exclusively with one's own kind. I guess this is the case with Chinese-Filipinos, particularly since most of our parents are second-generation Chinese, who are heavily influenced by what they have heard of the mainland by their parents.

Going further, I think that discrimination, especially against inter-cultural relationships, is a reflection of the conservative inclination of a person and if judiciously applied, is healthy. It is just a sign of a person's innate cautiousness and fear. A problem with having relations outside of one's community (or outside one's class of people) is that you have really no way of knowing the real person behind the mask that he/she shows to you, unless you track down his/her birthplace, siblings, classmates, friends, etc.

When you have relations with, or marry, someone who is of your own race and socio-economic status, you will already have a rough idea on how your other half thinks and feel, because you have basically the same background. You would have had experienced the same rejections, the same happiness and the same troubles. You will have roughly similar outlooks in life, specially if you are within the same age group."

This is not, of course, an approval of blind prejudice or blind acceptance for that matter. Perhaps the only logical solution if you wish to have relations with some not from your own "class" of people is to really get to know your love interest — his/her past and present friends, attitudes, beliefs, criminal records, medical history, etc. and if you can handle all the problems that will arise because of your differences, then go fight for it.

AMAZONIA13 thanks

Wow...Amazonia...thats great information.

IMO, marrying another race is perfectly fine. As long as you understant each other and can communicate then I don't think theres a problem with it.

Mixed marriages may have many differences. However, the difference itself can be a strength rather than a weakness.

At least for me it is one of the strength as differences attract. I've been married 8.5 years and still learning day by day.

Yarik Wrote:
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> What do you think about the international marriage?
><> Good intergration of culture & tradition. Expanding the mind.

> what problems may arise?
><> Lack of study or interest in each culture or background. This can only be build up through study which would be too long when a couple meet & find compatability.
What is necessary to do that international marriage was time-proof?
><> Face reality. Realise that it WILL be very difficult at times & each partner will have to have much patience/humility/love for the other. Meet the parents- particularly with some races, as FAMILY is a powerful unit & will have to be faced many times. They will probably produce beautiful mixed race children

No marriage is without problems. as long as you are open minded and accepting of each other it should be fine. Everyone should mix more I think... helps the bloodlines.

Thanks all fpr answers

Babies of mixed races are very cute. :-)

Not all of them...

Do you and your wife plan to have children Lordarithon?

Well we know that we should...but we really don't want children...we are too selfish and want our money for ourselves to have fun. We know that if we have children we can't do all of the things we want, so we are trying to get all the things out of the way that we want to do that children would make it hard or impossible for, and then in a few years have children...but yeah we really don't want children...my reason is because they are going to be horrible. I know how I Was...I was a perverted little brat...and the trouble I caused was monumental...but I didn't get caught for a lot of it...

So I think of all the little perverted bastard I was and I know that my children will be the same. I think about how sneaky I was, and I know the children will be the same. I think about the trouble I caused and I know my children will be the same. Then you take that and you multiply it with my wife's intelligence and forget it...these kids are going to be horrible...

"Well we know that we should.."

Why Should? With the world as it is today more people need to stop haha

LOL well...you do need someone to help take care of you when you get older...

>
> So I think of all the little perverted bastard I
> was and I know that my children will be the same.
> I think about how sneaky I was, and I know the
> children will be the same. I think about the
> trouble I caused and I know my children will be
> the same. Then you take that and you multiply it
> with my wife's intelligence and forget it...these
> kids are going to be horrible...


have to laugh about this! I have two children just the same... Maybe your wife's intelligence will make them better, not more horrible?

NO we are talking about me...and Children that are spawning off of my family....they will be bad...they really really will...there was never a good child in my family. This includes my cousins. All of us were horrible kids...and all my cousins' children are proving to be the same and so on....

Lordarithon Wrote:
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> LOL well...you do need someone to help take care
> of you when you get older...

ugh... HATE That reason. Drives me nuts when Chinese say that... What a great reason to bring life into the world....haha

Oh dude..you aren't kidding. My wife's mother is going crazy right now telling her she should have a baby now while she has no job...even though we don't have any money...and even though we don't want one...and the most fucked up thing??? One of our friend's tried preasuring my wife and I to have children back on V-Day. Then she gave the excuse that the child will probably be pretty...it's insane...I don't understand the want to have kids from a Chinese point of view. I heard the all the reasons. The only one I agree with is the "needing someone to help take care of you when you get older."

That's seriously it, and it's not a great reason...so you have a kid you don't want so you can be taken care of when you get older....it seems unfair to the child, because let's say we hold anger towards the child because of it...I don't know...I just dont' want children now...maybe later but not now. I like being a child, I don't feel like taking care of one...I took care of everyone else's when I was growing up so I feel like I'm done lol.

Lordarithon Wrote:
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> That's seriously it, and it's not a great
> reason...so you have a kid you don't want so you
> can be taken care of when you get older....it
> seems unfair to the child, because let's say we
> hold anger towards the child because of it...I
> don't know...I just dont' want children
> now...maybe later but not now. I like being a
> child, I don't feel like taking care of one...I
> took care of everyone else's when I was growing up
> so I feel like I'm done lol.

I read once that it takes about $1,000,000 to raise a kid from birth to 18 in the west. raising normally, not spoiling. I think I'll take half that money and put it into the bank and when I'm old and can't do things I'll just pay some beautiful lady to come take care of me instead...

Wow, that's 2 million i am spending at the moment!!

LOL yup, it's expensive to have children....their doctor bills alone are worth more than they are lol.

Dhalgren Wrote:
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> Wow, that's 2 million i am spending at the
> moment!!

Contact Nike... maybe you can get them working and making some of that back!

Uberche you are a sick individual...I like it, you made me laugh lol

Uberche Wrote:
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>
> Contact Nike... maybe you can get them working and
> making some of that back!

God Bless America?? err... capitalism??

Children taking care of their elders? Not all want to do that. Which is why most eventually hire a nurse or pretty lady to do the job. Kids these days are too busy being selfish trying to make money and living their lives. Remember money only flows down the family tree and rarely does it go in reverse gear!

Yeah you see those nice kids taking of their elders like angels. But they are like success stories. Chances of that happening are like your kids becoming the next multimillionaire entrepreneur!

Also there are chances you might give birth to a disabled child. Total burden to a family. And you can't just ditch them because they are family and you're responsible for this life!

In this day and age! You going to be funding a kids life probably up to 25 years old and maybe even older! Let's face it you are going to have to pay for his college fees up to 22-23 years old. After that he's getting his first job with crappy pay that can't even pay rent (23-25). Sometimes if he wants to go for an MBA, guess who's going to pay (25+)? When he gets married at 30 guess who's going to fund the wedding (30+)? There's a damn good reason why the people are starting to die earlier! As horrible as it sounds its a win win situation to die at 70! You no longer have to deal with the finances for your kids (banks, insurance co. will deal with it for you) and your kids don't have to think about how they are going to have to finance your retirement/elder care!

I yhink mixed marriages are great.I have a wonderful Chinese wife and would not give her up for the world.

Silverjoy, I'm in the same boat as you, and I agree with you 100%

I will be moving to Xi-an in August hopefully to teach and spend the rest of my time with my wife and 2 wonderful sons.
Tom.