I am helping them do all the paper work...because Im a expert on that...
Another thing which made me ,,really sad was,, they are fake marriage~!
His excuses were helping his friends out,, should I believe this? Actually I dont really care now... He made a decision,, I respected,.. thats all I can do...

He didnt care others,, but himself,,, Im really scared to find a guy like him again... so now Im waiting my EQ getting better,,I will think about the guys...

too many lies,,, too many disappointments.. too many troubles~!~!

Now still helping him,, maybe as a friend,,,maybe show my sympathy to him...
dont know?! lol

Sounds like a garbage situation. All I can say is this. When it comes to love and being vulnerable emotionally it's always hard and it's always a risk. Now I'm really not sure who said it but I know growing up I always heard the saying, "It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."

So no matter what, when it comes to finding a significant other, it's hard finding anyone good and sometimes you have to go through a few of them before you get the right one for you.

Hi everyone,
My name is Anna Lam. Call me Anna. I was born here in America, but I am Chinese. So.....I guess that makes me ABC: American born Chinese. Right? Well, about this forum.....some girls are pretty, some girls are kinda ugly, some girls are just normal, and well, like me, some girls are judged differently from different people. And if you would want to know more.....email me at alpiggy123@hotmail.com alpiggy123@yahoo.com alpiggy123@aol.com
Any of those.

Well, bye!
Anna

Hi!

They seem to have different personalities . . .like everyone else!
They def have a different perspective from western women.
Which I find very interesting and appealing.

I have always thought that slender women have a delicate and feminine quality
that is very attractive.


Andy

I Mistod goods from China look for pretty girl
QQ 858791316

I think they're very cute. No, they're not too short.

Some people say that North girls vs. South girls are different, in terms of looks and personality as well.

I've been learning Chinese from when I was 18, 4 years now, and never been to China before.

I really have no idea what goes on in their heads, but then, is that any different from girls from anywhere else?

One impression I had was that they are very focussed (sp) on career and education and...career. Maybe ahead of everything else, and this is a problem, because there's always something that gets sacrificed for education and money in the end. Maybe it's personal happiness, being cool, being funny, family, friends, spiritual health, physical and mental health.

I've never had a girlfriend before - but if my Chinese learning, culture immersion, 牛肉汤面 eating and English teaching continues at the present rate, it's more than likely I'll go out with a Chinese girl eventually.

Baoluo87 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> One impression I had was that they are very
> focussed (sp) on career and education
> and...career. Maybe ahead of everything else, and
> this is a problem, because there's always
> something that gets sacrificed for education and
> money in the end. Maybe it's personal happiness,
> being cool, being funny, family, friends,
> spiritual health, physical and mental health.

Most Chinese girls I've met are more focused on finding a good guy to marry. only the well educated, middle class girls living in big cities are usually so focused on jobs. the rest are mostly still very traditional.

I really don't know much about focuses or anything like that. I just know if you can appeal to them at the basic levels of their needs they are no different than any other girl on the planet.

some chinese girls are very very beautifu and elegant,they looks clean and have a very special scent,i am addicted to the scent.i am a chinese student,the first chinese girl i fell in love with looks very cute,she has two big eyes and her smile can kill me,i think i made her fell love with me, but we seem to have nothing to talk and our interests are quite different.the second girl i fell in love was my classmate in grade one(highschool),her voice and her white skin have grabbed my heart,i was too clumsy!i don't know why i can't express myself well when talking with her.i have a not bad look and i am humor,finally i made her love me .but both of us are too shy.everytime we met each,our faces turn ed red.i remember the longest time we didn't talk to each was a month.we are damned too shy,the shyness and the pressure of study killed our love!afterwards she moved to art class and i remained at engine class.she said she had no feeling of me,but i don't believe.her eyes said that she loves me!

I think

中国女孩，最好了，你们都很漂亮

Kurt （中文名字哥达）

也我住在英国Hertfordshire。我学中文

i am married to oneliving in zhu hai, they are the same as the rest lol pms

oh ,here are lot of good comments to Chinese girls make me kind of proud of been one of them ...though i am quit common..lol.....

Of course the pure and shy chinese girl is quite lovely and attractive.

some times I do like west girls,they looks very confident and seems have energy to handle every thing and quite outstraight,independent.

I like the woman in the move "Out of Africa",the woman in the movie is so so so ....... great.

Great

当然是很棒！哈哈

Uberche Wrote:

> Most Chinese girls I've met are more focused on
> finding a good guy to marry. only the well
> educated, middle class girls living in big cities
> are usually so focused on jobs. the rest are
> mostly still very traditional.

absolutely true!!!and don't know why the most focus on marriage so much~~even i am chinese girl.There's one girl in my company(she was an intern too) ,she is just 24,will graduate from college this summer.then she told me that a boy(her classmate when in high school ) confessed to her.she said yes. then she didn't tell her family.and then one of her aunt introduced a man (4 years older than her)to her, and she dated with this man too~~and frankly speaking,you can't judge that she made lies,because she told the boy about the man. but she didn't tell the man anything.so, okay, partly lay.
she said though she likes the boy more since they have much more similar interests and common topics, and they have a stable relationship for about 4 years.but if for marriage,she would choose the man

then another one is about my best friend here in shanghai.she is cute,traditional.maybe too traditional that she is eager to get some boyfriend to marry with so in the past half year, she has tried to date with 3 boys successively(okay,if she dated 3 at the same time,i would never wanna talk to her) i questioned her why,she didn't answer.but i know part of it,maybe she is a little worried about her future,likely to graduate,economy crisis makes it hard to get a good job,then marry with someone is one of the options,maybe it's great pressure for her~~but it's sick to get a boyfriend just because you want one.

after the 3rd boy(he was a liar,we all thought that,he asked my friend to go his home after the first time they met,and wanted kiss her the second time ), we 4 girls had a talk,and then suggest her to go for a travelling.now she is much better,and i think she did that because she was under great pressure.but the whole story impressed me really deeply.

emm,going to sleep now~~

lol... bum like me would never find a Chinese girlfriend then..

haha, because i am a public servant, don't make good money...

why marry with someone is an option?
There are so many girls don’t have to get marry and live well off, same as guys.

Maybe I am too young for this…

Lol.. don’t you guys wanna have a date like “Love Story” video by Taylor Swift?

Yeah the whole focus on being married is Crazy. From what I understand the Japanese are like that too...not to mention the extreme focus on having children...that's another thing I've come to find out that the Japanese have in common with the Chinese, but WORSE....just go read gaijinsmash.net and you'll see what I mean...

Anyway Ponpon what is wrong with trying to kiss a girl on the 2nd date?? I knew a Chinese girl from China that kissed me and I didn't even go on a date with her lol.

Anyway that whole traditional line a lot of Chinese girls tell me seems like a lie to me. I know one girl that got the guy she liked drunk just so she could have sex with him...and him being the 24 year old virgin that he was he stayed with her even though she was by far not the type of girl he wanted. Yet she said she was traditional.

Then as you said Ponpon you have a friend that had 3 boyfriends. I knew a another Chinese girl, with just the same story, she said she was traditional and wanted to find a good husband, and I had sex with her and I wasn't even dating her.

I won't even get started on Chinese women who are married...that's another whole weird thing when they say they are the traditional wife or whatever...I've had a whole lot of strange things go on with that...

I just don't buy into this Traditional bit. As I said I know I'm not some type of super sex God who is the greatest looking in the world that makes women melt when I smile at them. I just think a lot of Chinese women hide behind the whole "traditional" thing just to keep up appearances even though most are not. And yes most of my experience with Chinese women are with women who grew up in China and came here for school, or their husband got a job here and they came here to live....seriously...I have a hard time with that traditional description...

Is it that I have a misunderstanding of what traditional is?? Or is it that I'm such a scum bag that I seemed one way and ended up being another for them??

I think often traditional in China seems to be more just about appearance than about actually being traditional. I know many girls in China who have sex but just don't tell anyone (Chinese always tell me things, i think because they see me as a non-judgemental person as I don't care traditional or not) and claim they are traditional because that's what a good girl should be.

That said there are of course some really very traditional people as well...

And the married woman thing IS very strange, it also makes me less likely to want to marry a Chinese girl to be honest, I know TONS of Chinese ladies and Guys who have someone on the side, it seems to be much more common than in the west. A friend of mine once said that Western people are more likely to cheat before marriage but once married it's the opposite. Not to say western people don't, just it's not as frequent and definitely not considered as normal...

Canuck Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> lol... bum like me would never find a Chinese
> girlfriend then..
>
> haha, because i am a public servant, don't make
> good money...
> ～～no, you can find one, but not that easy. Hehe :0) . Since you have a job, you can make money to support yourself and enjoy your life, then no need for good money, it’s enough.
why marry with someone is an option?
There are so many girls don’t have to get marry and live well off, same as guys.
> why marry with someone is an option?
> There are so many girls don’t have to get marry
> and live well off, same as guys.

~~~that’s true, we all know that there’re people just don’t wanna get married and they live happy lives.For whatever reason, it’s okay. But there’re people who are family-oriented and just consider marriage is necessary for life. Just different people have different choices; all are okay if they enjoy it.:0) so for people in china who appreciate marriage and family, they will finally get someone to get married I think. Some do it naturally, I mean, two people love each other and then get married. But some just always trying to find someone because he/she needs one partner to get married with ~~ hehe.
So turn to most young people in china. We go to university, study , and graduate, then get a job, ~~~life is long so many other things will happen. During this period, you meet many many people, and there’s someone special then you two fall in love. Perfect.
But there’re youngs who just haven’t met his/her right one, you know, as time goes, he/she comes the age when most his/her friends have married, or the proper marriage age(girls >20?boys>22?or renewed by girls>22 boys >24???), when you finish school and get a job, then your family will show their friendly concern about your “personal” stations, if you have BF/GF, then they are glad to meet him/her. if not, then some will introduce a boy/ a girl for you. And nowadays friends do this kind of introduce too. Sometimes even your colleagues do. In my opinion, it’s not bad, no body push you to date with that him/her. Just an opportunity

>
> Maybe I am too young for this…
>
> Lol.. don’t you guys wanna have a date like
> “Love Story” video by Taylor Swift?

Anyway Ponpon what is wrong with trying to kiss a girl on the 2nd date?? I knew a Chinese girl from China that kissed me and I didn't even go on a date with her lol.

~~~yeah, absolutely nothing wrong if he truly fell in love with her, but he didn’t. He was introduced by friend’s cousin, before they met, they had chat online, not bad, then he came to our university to meet her. Since he met all listed items (tall, that’s my friend’s first condition, then common job, emm, well, all other conditions are common), my friend told me that maybe they would have another date. The man sent her a message he liked her after the first date. Things were all right so far. Then one night he invited her to go his home, she refused. And next he came again, always eager to hug her, kiss her, he lives far away from our university and they dated very late so couldn’t go back, so booked a hotel room. But my friend stayed late but still came back. the next day,my friend told him that we all went shopping,if he liked, he could join. But he said no, he didn’t like to meet her friends. And asked why not she came to the hotel.~~~~my friend did not go , then over.

He is kinda, eeemmmm,I don’t know the English word for him. But exactly the kind of people I always keep faaaaaaaaaaar away from, hehe. you can just go straight for prostitute,if you have no money i can even give you money for that,but it's really disgusting to cheat a girl to sleep with~~

and for traditional girls,hehe.have no idea.but for girls you mentioned,i don't think they are,you know,just they words said they were traditional,and they thouhgt they were,but actually,i don't think so. it's fake label ~~otherwise they have misunderstood tradition.

Ponpon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ~~~yeah, absolutely nothing wrong if he truly fell
> in love with her, but he didn’t.

yeah he sounds like an ass. I had one friend in Nanjing and she lent a boy her Cafeteria card to buy food and the next day he said he was with some friends playing cards at a nearby hotel and she could come get the card if she wanted. Of course she got there and there were no friends, he was just trying to get her alone in a hotel room.. disgusting people.

Oh, but one thing haha just something that bothers me a lot because I hear it all the time. Love in this case is used wrong, He wouldn't love her, but he should like her or really like her. Love in English is something we only use when we REALLY mean love, someone you can't live without, someone who is your everything so to speak.
It's a small thing I know, but very important as many Chinese use this word too much and it kind of makes the word seem cheap I think.

> He is kinda, eeemmmm,I don’t know the English
> word for him.

Scummy is a good word for him. Scum means the dirt you get on top of water sometimes, it's dirty and slimy. Means he's just like Scum （浮沫） Dirty and not something you want to be around.

This whole issue is why I tell anyone who asks (and yes... lots of people ask, especially those interested in dating foreigners in China) that if you want to make sure a guy is a nice guy and not just looking for sex, have a one (or two) month rule. No sex for at least one (or two) months of dating. Don't tell the guy just keep saying "I'm not ready" or "I don't want to have sex this early in the relationship." or something to that effect. If he's an asshole he'll leave after a date or two. If he stays around he's probably interested in more than just sex.

Yeah this dude seems like he was kinda of a bumbler with the ladies.

I also agree the Chinese use the word love wrong...I guess it doesn't help that the word "love" in English is not as detailed as in other languages.

Also Uberche is right. If the girl does the 2 month rule and has at least 4 to 6 dates during that time and the guy is still around, then he's really there for her and not just sex.

Uberche Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Ponpon Wrote:
> Oh, but one thing haha just something that bothers
> me a lot because I hear it all the time. Love in
> this case is used wrong, He wouldn't love her, but
> he should like her or really like her. Love in
> English is something we only use when we REALLY
> mean love, someone you can't live without, someone
> who is your everything so to speak.
> It's a small thing I know, but very important as
> many Chinese use this word too much and it kind of
> makes the word seem cheap I think.
yeah, true.form many people is easy to say love,even i don't know.~~~that's why when i heard someone said i love you, then i couldn't find any words to respond then i said thank you. this kind of love comes easy,goes away fast. so i think love in china has the same meaning like in english,just people overuse it.

> > He is kinda, eeemmmm,I don’t know the English
> > word for him.
>
> Scummy is a good word for him. Scum means the dirt
> you get on top of water sometimes, it's dirty and
> slimy. Means he's just like Scum （浮沫）
> Dirty and not something you want to be around.

hehehe,i hope i would never use this any more then~~

> This whole issue is why I tell anyone who asks
> (and yes... lots of people ask, especially those
> interested in dating foreigners in China) that if
> you want to make sure a guy is a nice guy and not
> just looking for sex, have a one (or two) month
> rule. No sex for at least one (or two) months of
> dating. Don't tell the guy just keep saying "I'm
> not ready" or "I don't want to have sex this early
> in the relationship." or something to that effect.
> If he's an asshole he'll leave after a date or
> two. If he stays around he's probably interested
> in more than just sex.

this one is so useful and light my mind :0),really. the most situation is like this, the most traditional date works like this: two people date without sex for months, then they both agree to get engaged, about half or one or even longer time get married. No sexy before marriage. And if they have sexy before marriage, then have to get married fast or otherwise would be condemned by their families (most against the girl and her family, boy is okay)
Then people are much more open-minded and modern, so most cases come like first date without sexy, then they can have sexy before marriage if both would like to. And people don’t judge it sin anymore. Emmm,不提倡，不反对。Hehe, not against it, but neither encourage.
But there’re girls still like the most traditional way, that’s okay, no need to judge them too old fashion or whatever, just different people can keep different styles.
And some chinese girls (e.g.my friends), they prefer the traditional way, but they aren’t against sex before marriage if she love someone. And ATTENTION, most of them share a default thoughts that the date is supposed to have no sex at the beginning period like the traditional way~~~~ so that why some girls just keep saying "I'm
> not ready" or "I don't want to have sex this early
> in the relationship." or something to that effect.
I think just because they don’t know how to response to this situation when the default way is challenged. Actually how long the beginning period is, and how long is enough, it depends, but this period exists.
So it’s really a good idea to settle down how long, really good, I like this VERY much,~~~~hehe.btw, one or two month is a little short, though,hahahaha, from traditional way~~

See I have no problem with sex on the first date, nor do I look for it to happen either...for me it's happened and it hasn't happened on the first date. There are always so many factors when it comes to sex that can lead to sex. And if I got into it all it would cause me to type all night...well at least for the next hour...lol

But really I don't see anything wrong with it, but a lot of times it can lead to nowhere fast too. It just depends on the intentions from both sides.

HEHEHE,you are right,totally okay for boys~~~my boy friends(not bf) said why they don't do that at the beginning because it seems not respect to the girls and if they really like her,better not do that at the beginning.couples besides me they always stablish a really nice relationship after date for a long time.but anyway,it's just my friends' and my cases, and we are at university.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/19/2009 03:26AM by Ponpon.

Well I always figured myself to be a scum bag. I know for sure when I was 10 years younger I would say almost anything just to get sex, but that is the life of a 19 year old boy who should know better, did know better, but didn't care. But I've simply found that sex itself on the first date, or even without a date at all isn't all bad. Yet it isn't always good either...it's just extremely complicated and you always have to go with what you know or else you compromise yourself and it will cause you lots of problems mentally and emotionally in the long run.

This again makes me question the traditional girl thing in China. From my experience it seems to be more of a picture that a girl paints for herself in a lot of cases. Yet for some it's a goal that they aim for and actually model their life with. Yet nothing is ever perfect and not all goals are met exactly the way one hopes.

Sometimes there are levels of passion that someone can cause to erupt inside of you and you had no idea that someone could do that, and you give into that passion for good or for bad, and it can happen without love. This is why I also have a problem with the way a lot of Chinese girls look for a guy who's "worth marrying". They may not have that passion for that guy. Sure they can learn to love him and sure they can appreciate that he's going to be successful. Yet it doesn't mean he's created the passion for them. This is why a lot of them do cheat. Because they meet someone who sparks that passion and the taste of it is too amazing to turn down. This is another reason why I feel everyone should experiment when they feel comfortable enough just so that way they can know the difference between hot passion and just physical gratification.

See...I started my small essay...I'll stop here....

i like one Chinese girl she came to London for studies and worked as a trainee in my company i offered her a dinner she accepted we went together for a dinner and i told her i like her , she replied she is very traditional and need time to think about it and she asked me to slow down and wait . i didnot have any objection on that. i phoned her as usual after a week she said to me "why you r not calling , are you ignoring me" then i thought she needs my attention and i started calling her almost everyday after few days she said " i don't like people calling me everyday" when i listened i got bit angry and said "ok i will not call you again because one hand you said i m ignoring you and on the other hand saying to me that "dont call me everyday" but i really like her and i apologised her on sms about my attitude which was natural natural even it was not my fault .. and after that she tried to ignore me ... and finally its been six months no sign of any reply from her she didn't mention anything to me and left me in confusing situation as she never mentioned what does she think about me?? now recently she got a job back in my company week ago and i m training her i talked to her today and i told her i like her and want to get married but she said "i would like to be in my Chinese community and don't want to go with indian boy and would prefer Chinese boy who can understand my feelings" .....and she is still working with me and i am training her at work.. i don't know how to handle the situation....i always gave her due respect. i have few questions my friends brothers and sisters please give me your fair opinions ... please thank you ... is that my mistake that i like her and love her so much... but what is the point.... everything finished (( it is so weird guys .....its painful ...this the most terrible experience of life .. i m upset....



Q1: how fair and honest she was with me ?
Q2: why she said no to me was there any mistake from me?
Q3: if she knew that she will go for Chinese guy then why did she go out with me on dinner?
Q4: is it fair.. how can someone play with anyone's heart, emotions and patience???

Dude it sounds like she wanted nothing to do with you in the first place, that is why she acted the way she did.

Also you should have just let it go after you were initially upset with her and then appologized.

Then the fact that you are talking about marriage and you hadn't seen or talked to her in 6 months was completely messed up. So yeah you wasted time on her. I'd just work with her and forget about her other than that. Seriously this one isn't going to give you the time of day so she isn't worth the effort of worrying about.

I'm not saying she's a bad person, and I'm not saying she's a good person. She's just obviously made it clear she wants nothing from you.

Q1:Either, as LA said, she didn't like you from the beginning and was trying to put it nicely or she was just being foolish. Both are possible. I don't know you or how you behave but I've had a number of Indian friends in China and I find they often come on a little too strong for the more traditional Chinese girls. Many Chinese girls want a guy who is going to basically treat them with child gloves, you have to be very patient and nice and never lose your temper. If she says two things that seem to contradict each other (why don't you call?! Don't call so much!) ask her about it nicely and calmly. What she probably meant was she wanted you to send a message or so everyday but no need to call continually. Just message her before bed or something to say hi and make sure she's ok.

Q2: Honestly it sounds like she got a little freaked out by your original no calling for a week (Traditional Chinese girls don't follow "The Rules" they like guys to message them that night but don't call, just a message to say hi and see how they are.) and then you start calling all the time (again, no need, just message once a day or so and call every couple days to see if she wants to meet for dinner or something). Many Chinese are told by their community and other Chinese friends that dating non-Chinese is a bad idea because we are all too different, then she saw you didn't understand what she wanted (her fault as she didn't tell you but girls want a guy who can read their mind pretty much, not fair but such is life) and figured her friends were right and she was better off with a Chinese guy.

Q3: You were probably the first Indian she ever dated. Now she'll be terrified of dating Indians for the rest of her life.

Q4: She wasn't playing with anything, she was seeing if she wanted to date you. She decided she didn't. it's perfectly fair though her reasoning may have been a bit foolish. But seriously, you should be happy, she sounds like she would have no patience for a relationship with someone from another culture. Count yourself lucky and move on.

Oh and also, Marriage... bad idea so early. She was already freaked out from the first misunderstanding and now you just freaked her out even more by jumping the gun on that one.

As for what to do. Be professional, train her, be friendly and polite and give her space. If you want to try to be friends still, apologize for coming on strong and the miscommunication and say you'd be happy if you could still be friends. If you can't be her friend because you like her too much just finish training her and move on.