I got some really good responses to my other post so I am going to post again. I like to read a lot of Chinese news and do try to keep up on Chinese culture but there seems to be an expectation that western girls wont like chinese guys so, while there are tooons of websites devoted to dating culture for western men, there are none for women.

I love art so I arranged to meet up with some people through Couch Surfing (a website for travelers) to see an art show in Chengdu. Some Cantonese design students were the only ones who showed up. There were 3 guys and a girl and I assumed the tall guy and girl were together since they spent most of the time as a duo. They grabbed me and their friends, one who knows no english and the other with almost none, took my friend from africa (they couldnt understand her accent) and we each chatted mostly with our duos. Saw the art, was mostly not impressed (not very creative or moving) but tall guy pointed out some traditional designs to me like a wooden book and a strange tea box (I reeeeally love design). I was really excited to meet these kids (they are all 21, I am 27 but look and seem younger than them. People think I am 19-20) because I know how rare/hard it is for Chinese kids to keep their creativity and to have the money/confidence/whatever to go to design/art school, and particularly because these kids have pretty good english compared to most students.

My friend and their's did not have much fun but I and the duo had a blast and we exchanged emails after they introduced us to Cantonese food. We left "reviews" on each other's profiles (basically you say if it's a real person/trustworthy/fun or crazy/avoid/etc bad thing). The girl called me "lady" without knowing my age but the guy called me "girl" while knowing my age (I think I'm almost of "left over woman" age by chinese standards ) and made note of my sense of humor.

I invited them all out again, to go to an expat club where the locals go to "hook up" with foreigners (its the safest club I know and where I feel most comfortable) on ladies night (I thought the duo were a couple and broke-ish students so free drinks might be helpful). I emailed them all but the only one who replied was the girl so I wasnt even sure until the last moment if it would be just her or all of them. When we got there it was her and the tall guy. I went with a guy friend from france and I think they assumed we were dating. When they realized he had a chinese GF they were shocked. Then the girl asked me if I like Chinese guys after a whispering session with tall boy but we were side tracked by some random thing and her realizing my friend and I were older. She was shocked again and tried to ask why I look so young and tall guy started whispering "you cant say that to foreigners" or whatever the equivalent is. They were surprised that I noticed and knew exactly what they were saying.

I bought a round of drinks (before ladies night happy hour started) and learned they (supposedly) barely drink alcohol, except maybe wine sometimes, the girl drank a bit and got very red, the boy hardly drank at all. They gave their drinks to my friend and out of no where a guy from Couch Surfers showed up, greeted me and explained that there were a ton of CS'ers down stairs wanting to hang out and dance. We go down and both my friend and I are too nervous to dance so we get more drinks and start loosening up.

I remembered to not drink too much and not dance too shockingly so I danced a bit and showed the girls how to move their hips and legs. It basically turned into a tutoring session. Danced some more then started dancing with all the nice chinese guys who came with the CS group. Then grabbed tall boy and demanded he dance, he couldnt, so I showed him how to stand and move his hips by grabbing his waist (shocking!). He was too shy at first but the girl kept giving him drinks and at some point he ended up drunk and trying to dance. I noticed him watching me most of the time, even from across a bunch of people. Much later I actually did my "naughty" style dancing with him (I kept it tame per my perspective but probably still shocking for him) and he actually seemed into it and danced, not either running away in shock/embarrassment or humping me like a sick dog. Afterwards I tried to get him to dance with the girl but they both refused very strongly. I dont think he danced with any other girls except a foreign girl who captured him and he sort of wriggled out of her grasp.

We went for barbecue with a large group of the CS'ers and had a blast. I wanted to sit next to him but didnt and one of the other guys made us all move so he could sit between me and the girl. That guy played with my hat but barely spoke, I shared noodles with the girl and we all drew on napkins. Didnt talk to tall boy much but I took a lot of pictures of him (and everyone else but mostly him) on the pretext that when his eyes are closed in the pics it looks like he has none. We handed cameras around and took pics of each other. There was a fun guy across from us who took really great pics, he posted on my CS profile that I was lovely, funny and had a big smile. We all agreed to hang out again soon. At some point people gave me their numbers and I gave away mine. I offered mine to the tall boy and he said he already had my number, he had gotten it from the girl, which seemed odd cuz I had just gotten the phone and he has never called me or responded to my email, so I just email the girl and she seems to speak for them both. I asked if they were dating and she was mortified, said no very emphatically but also said "He has a GF back home" (in shenzhen, they only go home in January at school holidays).


I cant put my finger on anything particular but I kind of think tall boy likes me. I think it's cuz at one point an idiot jealous foreigner (the diva type, wants to be center of attention) stood on the second floor yelling down at us and throwing CONDOMS on us. I started making jokes about how old the condoms were and how unused and saying that you would catch AIDS or get pregnant if you used them. Tall boy gave me very direct eye contact and said something like "yea it's very important to always use condoms." He always gives me direct eye contact but I dont know if it's meaningful or if maybe he has seen too many western movies. When I bought the drinks he said I shouldnt, that he knew it was western culture to pay for your own, not do the "I pay" battle royale, and I said it was, to "buy a round", to which he responded "No! I've seen in western movies" (I laughed, so cute).

Anyway, I like this guy and want to know more about him. I have no idea what the cues are if a guy likes you here (what sort of body language or behavior to look for). Is it appropriate to email him directly? Why does he go through the girl for all communication? I have gotten some emails from the guy who called me "lovely" but I dont get any sort of "interested" vibe from him but I also can not put my finger on why I DONT.

How should I act to make this guy more interested (if he is) and feel confidant enough to hang out with me alone? I'm not going to pounce on him or do anything, I do like to take it slow and I dont want to give the impression that I will be trashy/slutty just because I am a foreigner. So, what are the dating rules/rituals/etiquette?

oh, and I know he has the much better English but he gets the girl to ask the questions, she asks him for the right words and he whisper-yells at her if she asks something inappropriate. Whats up with that? Why doesnt he just ask himself?

Some Chinese guys are still reserve and shy. If you really like him, you can initiate if you don't mind. Some 1 has to break the ice.

Ah! He said he is coming to a picnic I am organizng this weekend but the girl is not

Please not much cleavage ok. He might drool and stare all day long.

LMFAO! No, no cleavage, I'm being good in public, must control myself. It's cold so I'll probably wear a sweater actually.

WTF nonsense are you saying?

lol...Msinglynx..now you must ride the yellow horse...lol

>_< we shall see who will be riding whom this time tomorrow, no?

This is in the bag ;p he said "my parents would never ever understand an older girl-younger guy relationship but I am very open to it" and gave me a Chinese name he says means "beautiful lady" cant remember what it was tho.

I think we will go to KTV next. Question is, why on earth are his friends always around? They are very nice and I like them but they always seem so bored hanging out with us when we are mostly talking to each other.

Good luck.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2011 12:11AM by Chinesetolearn.Com.

hahaha ok, I will check it out. A guy I know sent part of a song to his chinese girlfriend and she demanded he come over to her house immediately. :p I guess music is powerful. My crush was telling me about english songs last night, but they were well sung (by Adele) but had stupid lyrics (a girl pining over a guy). I wonder if I said the wrong thing? lol

You are fine. Check out the song Red beans it has cultural symbol, and you should know it. It is a great song you will enjoy Good luck.

Thanks! I used your phrase of the day section to write him "Wo3 wu3 tiao4 de5 hao3. Wo3 yao4 yao1 qing3 ni3 tiao4 wu3." Did I change the subject correctly (him/her to I/me)?

Hi, Msinglynx,
That is correct, for you were talking directly to him. Good job

Arg! Shut up Chinegro! He's a nice guy & I like his niceness! I'm not gonna turn him into another one of those perverts in the club! I'm gonna take this sloooow.

sin verguenza -_- mil veces mejor una pinga chiquita que un hombre estupido.

Por qué no intentas casarte con él?

Dont be silly ;p far too soon to be thinking more than "oh he's not an asshole and he's smart and cute and fun to talk to (and also not a foreigner pervert trying to sexually assault as many chinese girls as possible)." He's already invited me to visit with his family when he goes home on school break in January. For now it's cool hanging out and even his friends are fun. Maybe in a couple of weeks I will start trying to get him alone ;p

For now, I'm using body language to show my evil intentions stroking his wrist, lots of eye contact and so on.

hey hey, what does the name ting na mean? That is what he named me.

Also, thank you mod.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/29/2011 12:03PM by Msinglynx.

Hi Msinglynx,
There are many characters with the pronunciation of Ting Na. Is your name Tina? If so, that would be just sound by sound translation. Ting Na might be 婷娜。 These two characters all mean graceful and beautiful.
Good luck.

my msn:jeason_2008@hotmail.com make a friend in Beijing

I suspect he is fighting inside, but you seem to have helped him win the battle The underlying culture gap could be far beyond what you thought. Get ready and good luck to you.

It's gotten more interesting and fun. His female friend (before he would coordinate to go out only through her, but not any more) is blatantly (and very bluntly) literally trying to get me to physically take things to another level. Like I mentioned to her in my culture we say hello by kissing on the cheek and she said "oh he cant wait for you to do that to him!" Then this week we went to a bar for a fun meeting with friends and at one point she actually took my face in her hands, turned me to face him and said "look here, only here." I sort of think he doesnt know what she's doing but I'm not sure.
I gave him a toy ring and he asked if I was proposing to him (jokingly). He danced with me at the club (it was cute, he was very hesitant about touching my waist and didnt try to get handsy). Someone put a cute panda hoody on me and he took a ton of pictures, he always takes my picture and tells me I look beautiful, even when I look like crap.
So next week I have to do a visa run to HK. When I mentioned that he said "I'm going to miss you soooo much" and I told him "you know you can call me if you miss me." He seemed totally shocked by that, even said thank you which seems too strange since he has my number and we text almost daily.
Then at one point, a pair of girls asked me "How do western guys ask girls out?" so I told them. Boy walked up toward the end of it and asked what we were talking about, so I told him and he also asked. So I looked strait up at him with my biggest puppy dog eyes and asked "Do you want to go out with me?" He responded with "No! Wait... what?" as his female friend started yelling at him and he started apologizing in confusion (it was so funny).
Anyway, this time after he said goodbye, he came running back to me and hugged me (for the first time, of his own volition. I've hugged him once or twice), then rushed away, so it seems like his female friend has explained that he needs to be more aggressive with a western girl.

I'm kind of wondering where this goes from here, if I'm supposed to keep pursuing him (or at least being blatantly interested) or if now he will take over? Can I just bluntly tell him I like him? Ask him to go out with just him alone for once? Arg. It's like I'm back in middle school. Super cute but kind of annoying!

Weird thing is, at one point I told him he is so hard to understand, that he never reacts as I expect. He asked me what he had done to disappoint me! I was so horrified, I said no! I'm not disappointed, I just find it interesting how "unChinese" (his word, not mine) he is in some ways but how fundamentally Chinese he is at the same time. It was such a confusing moment.

Debug1982 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I suspect he is fighting inside, but you seem to
> have helped him win the battle The underlying
> culture gap could be far beyond what you thought.
> Get ready and good luck to you.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/04/2011 07:27PM by Msinglynx.

I think he misunderstood your "go out with me" as going to HK with you. I could be wrong, you can prove that if you got a chance.
As a Chinese guy, I totally understand why he's upset. What can I say, either you or he has to break the dilemma, if not, annoying sneaks up and takes over cute, then it's not funny anymore.fyi

So right! LOL I decided to break the impasse. I asked him if it was weird to ask him to go out alone with me and he said no. He kept comparing himself to my friends Yves (a french guy) asking where we go to hang out and if it's weird that we hang out. I said it's different, that we dont go out like that (like a date I meant) and he asked if it was different because he is chinese! Arg wanted to smack my head into the wall! LOL
But we eventually arranged to go out together alone this week before I go to HK. Then I sent him a text saying "I like you and I want to get to know you better without our friends getting in the way." So hopefully he finally understands why it's different to going out with Yves ;p of course he didnt reply but I was expecting him to not know what to say to that

Msinglynx,
How about showing him this forum? LOL, good luck.

No way! Thats too weird! lol

I know, just kidding. The Chinese people think everything is predestined in somehow. So, no matter how it went or how it will go, just try your best, and wish for the best. My best wishes.

That's interesting. Thanks.