Now, listen up, you Foreign-born Chinese boys and girls, Chinese New Year is around the corner and I want to talk to you seriously about fireworks.



I saw this picture in a newspaper, where a smiling, cordial Chinese girl (rather pretty as well) was explaining the tradition of lighting fireworks to a group of Foreign-born Chinese guys. They all looked very happy.

I will let you know that is false information. Fireworks are no small matter, and no laughing matter either. So wipe that smirk off your face and listen up.



As a Chinese, I want to be honest with you. For the past 30 years, we have opened up to the World, and welcomed Foreign-born Chinese like yourselves to come here to do business, to make money, even gave you some easy credit to let you buy real estate, marry our women, whatever. But this does not make you Chinese. There are things we reserve for ourselves, and it really doesn't matter how long you have been here, just don't assume you can be one of us, and don't touch the following three things:

CHICKEN FEET,

SEA CUCUMBERS

AND FIRECRACKERS!

Most of you are well trained enough to withhold your chopsticks, whichever way you are holding them, and stay away from the chicken feet at Chinese dim sum restaurants. But some of you are show-offs. Most of the time, you are trying to prove to your Chinese girlfriend's parents that you are so Chinese. "Look, I am eating chicken feet. Mmm ... Good!"

Don't do that. We really get annoyed when Foreign-born Chinese try to chomp on chicken feet. Sometimes, you are so polite, you don't spit out the bones, you chew them and try to swallow them. That's totally unacceptable. Because, when you do that, most Chinese start getting anxious about you choking to death on the damn chicken bones. And it is very difficult to enjoy dim sum when you are anxious.

Sea cucumbers are not for you either. Most of you are rather intimidated by slimy sea things - jelly fish, sea cucumbers. But, there are those of you who are so brave that you insist on trying it, and pretend to enjoy it. Most of the time, you are a Foreign-born Chinese businessman, you don't want to offend your Chinese host by not eating the most expensive dish ordered.

I've got some news for you. Guess what? He didn't order it for you! He ordered it for the Chinese at the table! Do you know how difficult it is to soak the sea cucumber so it acquires the right slimy texture? No one can master it in his own kitchen. Only the restaurants can. So stop trying to pick up the sea cucumber with your chopsticks, it will probably end up in your lap anyway. Just politely put the untouched dish back on the lazy susan. We are not impressed by sea cucumber chivalry.

Now fireworks. It is strictly, strictly for us Chinese. We really don't want you anywhere near fireworks. First of all, it is dangerous. You don't understand why 1.4 billion people have to turn into pyromaniacs for one night. It's totally beyond your comprehension. But we love it; we have been setting off these things since we were three and for 5,000 years. So let me just say that fireworks are not for barbarians like you. You don't get it. On the other hand, we Chinese have great tolerance for fireworks; it's one night when you can do some damage and get away with it. For example, you can burn a building down, a brand new building, with stuff in it. How can you comprehend that level of generosity?

And, don't you dare try to do the same, we simply have no tolerance for it. You try to burn a building down, we will kill you, because, you were probably high, and we really don't give a hoot whether you are mentally disturbed or whether your prime minister is going to make endless harassing phone calls.

So, you better be good, you better be nice, because firecrackers are coming to town!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/09/2010 09:17AM by Olive.

Dead Chinese

Quit acting like insecure retards to those who aren't Chinese.

That is all.

It's a rather unfunny joke and I don't really get the point.

Eating chicken feet and sea cucumber is not the privilege of China's Chinese. Dimsum (or dianxin in Putonghua) is a Southern Chinese (or Cantonese) tradition. They brought this tradition with them when the migrated to all four corners of the world. Hence you can get these dishes in Chinatown restaurants from SF and London to Melbourne and South Africa. Likewise for fireworks.

The TS is a real dumb person.

I'm a foreign-born Chinese, a child of immigrants with very strong emotional ties to the mainland, and frankly I find the very suggestion that we are any less Chinese than you deeply offensive.

Keo02 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm a foreign-born Chinese, a child of immigrants
> with very strong emotional ties to the mainland,
> and frankly I find the very suggestion that we are
> any less Chinese than you deeply offensive.

You are not at all Chinese. You are Han (probably) but you as you are not born in China, you are not Chinese. Be proud of your heritage but use the proper terminology.

Uberche,

Well I would've agreed with you, if it weren't for the fact that I also happen to be a Chinese national.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/16/2010 12:07PM by Keo02.

And I might add that, my citizenship notwithstanding, we're talking about ethnic/cultural identity here when referring to the term Chinese. You should know better; after all you said it yourself: "Heritage"

Despite my lengthy explanations, Uberche still can't get it through his thick skull.

Chinese is a RACE and not just a nationality. There are billions of people of Chinese race/ethnicity spread out across the world. 1.3 billion of them hold China passports, while a billion others don't.

I am an overseas Chinese myself, born outside of China. My parents were born in China. I speak to my parents in Chinese and we observe Chinese festivals like Mid-Autumn, Lunar New Year etc.

No need of a long explaination. It's easy to prove which side they belong.
When a few abc immigrants invaders in america USA or Europe get attacked in Los Angeles or in London,
immediately CCTV tell it in the news.
"Our Chinese people living in USA or London get attacked. Some hate against our people."

Then overseas belong to their Mother land China, their ethny.
All you live, you belong to an ethny.
That's your most important link. You can't cut it.
An European will never say, oh it's an English, oh It's a sweedish. He will say, ah that's our young Chinese neighbour.

Your fake citizenship, this fragile paper, you will lost it one day.
This countries can get very angry one day, if the immigration continue to be at the invasion level, like now, and this countries can take back your citizensship, and throw you back to your ethny.
A revolution or something against the immigrants, because they are in too large number.
Your own ethny country motherland China will welcome you immediately.

Abc Overseas, laura will take you in her flat that day, i insure you.
Laura stop laerning so many English, we know that you have in mind to immigrate by us in Europe. I m not American, but i think it's the same their.
Work for your country in your country.
We are fed up with all this young students from India, ex Soviet Union, China, south America, Africa.
too many people from this countries come by us.
Things can get bad one day. Nobody like to be invaded.

Now, I know, lot of people in Europe, we don't talk so much with Chinese overseas or others immigrants. Because they are too many and people don't like this invasion situation. Company owners don't give them jobs. lot immigrants are unemployed, sad, alone at home.
Better stay in your country. Why do you come by us to study?. You have reliable universities and everything in your modern country.
No need to snob your people with an European Or an US University degree. They are not so good our universities.

I know in Europe, you immigrants study what we don't want to study.
You study our university leftovers. MBA, economy, accountant.
Nobody want to learn that by us. We know for a long time that's it's a waste of time. unuseful.
Then don't be proud of that, don't show off with that.

Edited 7 time(s). Last edit at 10/31/2010 10:45PM by Porsche777.

Porsche , where r u living these days ?...shanghai ?

oh...sounds not very friendly..

Most overseas Chinese are corrupt, especially those who come from capitalist areas such as USA, Canada, Europe, Australia, Singapore, HK, TW, etc. Chinese-ness should be based on character, not location. There are many Chinese people who were born in China who are corrupted. You will find many of them in any given English language school throughout China. Most of these corrupted Chinese also have dreams of moving abroad. Logically speaking, it would make sense to kick out those who want to learn English, or move abroad, and perhaps bring back some overseas Chinese who can be loyal to the communist party, equality, socialism, anti imperialism, and just common decency. There's a lot of full blown foreigners who can make China a better place. Some examples include Webster Tarpley, John Pilger, an George Galloway, to name a few.

Foreign born or not, we are still Chinese so stop this crap. We are 100% Chinese just like you.

Do you even freaking know the MAJOR REASON why we are who we are? We didn't choose to become overseas Chinese. We were forced to be so, due to the adversity of a Communism state coming into being [1949 or earlier]. That's why our ancestors moved abroad to Southeast Asian countries, Canada, Australia, USA, etc... to move out of China's control!

The Communist party was the reason we moved out of China! The Communist gov't is corrupt. We are not! Are you sure you're an adult? You sure speak like a child!

An overseas Chinese WILL NEVER BE committed to the Communist government. The US and other countries are democratic nations which gave its people most of the freedoms which doesn't exist in socialist & communist states.

You are not at all Chinese. You are Han (probably) but you as you are not born in China, you are not Chinese. Be proud of your heritage but use the proper terminology.
Who said you are not Chinese if YOU WEREN'T born in CHINA?! What foolishness is that?
If a person was born in Spain but to American parents, this person COULD SAY I'm American, due to their parents being American!
After all these explanations, you dummkopfs still don't speak English!

I wasn't born in China, but all of my grandparents were! Dumb idiot, Ubercrackhead gotta be. Han is just a designation of ethnicity. You only explain THAT when you come to it. Chinese is the general umbrella term, whether you are from China or NOT and only applies to those who have Chinese ancestors! Living in China and are a citizen by naturalization or other means, DOES NOT a Chinese citizen make you!

@ NgSHIThang,
you are not born in China, so you are a foreign born Chinese also and you have no right to say what you said: You weren't even born in China!!!

@ Laura
To you everyone's corrupt. What type of world do you live in?

NgSHIThang = Laura0000's twin?

Edited 6 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2011 05:21PM by Trien.

I won't even bother to reply this Ngshihang shit head.

Trien Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Foreign born or not, we are still Chinese so stop
> this crap. We are 100% Chinese just like you.

You crazy. It's ridiculous to characterize ethnic Chinese a corrupt just because they were raised or lived overseas. Anyways, there are a whole range of overseas Chinese from shrewd to extremely naive.

Logically
> speaking, it would make sense to kick out those
> who want to learn English, or move abroad, and
> perhaps bring back some overseas Chinese who can
> be loyal to the communist party, equality,
> socialism, anti imperialism, and just common
> decency.

What country do you live in? I've been in China for over 15 years. How many people in China these days would rather have a car or a house instead of loyalty to the communist party? Yeah kick out everyone that wants to learn English and let China isolate itself from the world.. that will work?? What a stupid idea.