It's funny to find out many discussions here about this topic. So i just translate someone's Chinese views here.

Most Chinese girls choose foreign guys not for money or passport but for the following reasons:
1. That kinds of girls should can speak good English. They can get high paid in China themself.
2. No man will marry a girl who are just interrested in his pocket or others. Do you think their husband are all stupid?

They marry a foreigner maybe because:
1. to get respect in spirit. (In China women are hard to start a new life if she is disvorced. Many chinese man just treat woman like a tool to give birth a son. and still some boys won't marry a girl who is not virgin before marriage.)
2. foreigners are more romantic they like to express their love. That is cultural difference. (Many Chinese guys never or seldom said love to his partner or be mean give thanks or advire).But women all like sweet words no matter which country are they in.

Welcome you share your view!

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/10/2009 11:39AM by Olive.

Hi Chengcheng ,do you like sweet words?

I think lots of women "hide" their love and don't express easily ,it's difficult to get touch.

"Many chinese man just treat woman like a tool to give birth a son"I think this is old idea.

Yes i think i like sweet words.Many of my friends complain their bf don't care them. And my male classmate said he seldom said i love you to his gf. In my eyes i think it is normal.But in my foreign teacher eyes he thought it is unbelieveable. Sorry, I don't know this topic very much.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/10/2009 11:44AM by Olive.

Herohelps Wrote:
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> Hi Chengcheng ,do you like sweet words?
>
> I think lots of women "hide" their love and don't
> express easily ,it's difficult to get touch.

I'd say Chinese girls express it a lot. Or maybe just the girls I have dated... Not sure.

Uberche Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Herohelps Wrote:
> --------------------------------------------------
> -----
> > Hi Chengcheng ,do you like sweet words?
> >
> > I think lots of women "hide" their love and
> don't
> > express easily ,it's difficult to get touch.
>
> I'd say Chinese girls express it a lot. Or maybe
> just the girls I have dated... Not sure.

I don't know how to express 矜持(jīn chí) in English but I'd like to say that chinese girls think 矜持 is one of excellences.

I think not only chinese girl but also boy,if they love her/him,but they don't tell each other,sometimes even pretend they don't love each other.
It 's very funny to foreigner ,LOL

I don't think Chinese girls are this way when dealing with foreigners though. Only to Chinese guys. Maybe they just know many Chinse guys don't like it so they don't.

And not really funny to foreigners, just pointless.

Intresting topic, i was thinking about that for a while as some of my friends want chinese girlfriends.

here are my opinions

1, to marry someone to improve english, that's stupid!
2,there are men married the girls who wanted their money, because they are fool in love!
3, "the moon in other countries is brighter than the moon in china" some poeple marry to foreigners because they can have better lives.
4, some lazy bones marry chinese women because they invest a good bargain.
5, it is none of my business, i have seen all sort of reasons, i wish everyone could be happy! bless!

Uberche Wrote:
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> I don't think Chinese girls are this way when
> dealing with foreigners though. Only to Chinese
> guys. Maybe they just know many Chinse guys don't
> like it so they don't.
>
> And not really funny to foreigners, just
> pointless.

haha,maybe like you said.

I'm an American man with a Chinese girlfriend hoping to marry her soon.

A point was brought up about romance in China vs America (or the west).
I was a bit shocked at first when I learned that Chinese couples rarely express their love verbally; by saying I Love You. However, this may just be a cultural difference. My girlfriend tells me that in China love is proven by ones actions rather than words; which may appear pointless. I think Americans do believe in actions (or proving your love) but we also like to reassure and remind each other that we love each other. I admit, we throw those 3 words (I LOVE YOU) very easily and sometimes we are not sincere about it.

It may not be an issue of right and wrong but just a cultural difference.

BTW, I do notice there are many more Asian women with Western men as compared to Asian men with Western women. I can only speak for myself; I think Asian women are very beautiful, extremely interesting and have a gift of being able to express what they want. For a block head American guy like me; that is a significant plus. ;o)

@Floridaguy, Well said!
At least you understand the issue and I hope you learn more about the cultural differences.

PS: You see less Asian men with Western women because most of us stick to Asian women who are easily more beautiful and tend to look younger than their age.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2010 11:45AM by Olive.

In my opinions, western guys are more romantic. It is very nice to get a warm hug and a nice kiss and "I love you" when you come home from work. I love this. I can not get this from my ex-Chinese-bf.

Quote:
Samanthagz1979: In my opinions, western guys are more romantic. It is very nice to get a warm hug and a nice kiss and "I love you" when you come home from work. I love this. I can not get this from my ex-Chinese-bf.

Yes, but what you don't know is... to the western guy the words have no meaning other than to make you feel "loved". He can easily say it to 10 other women behind your back.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2010 11:44AM by Olive.

Quote:
Astroboy: Yes, but what you don't know is... to the western guy the words have no meaning other than to make you feel "loved". He can easily say it to 10 other women behind your back.

So can a Chinese man.

Your problem is you pretend all Chinese men are good and all Western men are bad. it's bullshit. I rarely use the term I love you Unless I truely do. My first year in China I met a Chinese girl in a bar and the second day we met she said she loved me. I have a Chinese friend who has two girlfriends, one is long term and one he changes often and he tells them both he loves them, but he tells me he doesn't, it's just a bit of fun. Everywhere has people who use words to try and manipulate others, Realize your own incredible bias and maybe you can actually say things that don't make you look like an incredible racist....

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2010 11:40AM by Olive.

Quote:
Uberche: So can a Chinese man.

I think Westerners are so used to saying the 3 words they don't know the meaning at all. Michael Jackson says in on national TV to the whole world, to little boys, to his "wives" and even to Liz Taylor. So when does he actually mean it? In the Asian context, it would be weird/pretentious for a Chinese filmstar to say "wo ai ni" to the audience. At most... he/she would say "thank you for your support...!".

I say the 3 words to my gfs only when I mean it. Let's face it. You just have a problem trying to grasp Chinese mindset and way of life despite your efforts.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2010 11:49PM by Astroboy.

Quote:
Floridaguy: I was a bit shocked at first when I learned that Chinese couples rarely express their love verbally; by saying I Love You.

It's not true. For example have a look at the most popular 2009 Chinese drama "Dwelling Narrowness" - 蜗居 (wō jū), Haicao and her boyfriend Xiao Bei say more than 10 "Wo ai ni" per episode. And then Haicao with her lover Song Siming. While having an affair with Song Siming she then say "Wo ai ni" to both of them. You can watch the drama online here: http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XMTI1NzAyMjYw.html

Of course Astroboy will say that Haicao is not a typical Chinese, or that she's a bitch. And he will say the same to all the happy Chinese couple who keep saying "Wo ai ni" everyday, in the drama or in the real life. What a sad little man...

When I was a teenage kid, I used to think that all American gals have incredibly big boobs and sexy figures after watching Baywatch. When I actually went to the US, it was like 1 out of maybe 30 gals on the streets would actually look like one of them Baywatch gals. It's so incredibly stupid to use movies as a yardstick.
Anyway all you guys are entitled to dream as long you want. Maybe someday reality would wake you up... haha!

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2010 10:39PM by Olive.

When I was a teenager and in my early twenties, I would tell a girlfriend I love you. As I got older I realized I was just in lust. Today, I'm very reluctant to say "I love you" to a woman unless I truely mean it. It's been a few years since that's happened. The point is, I'm a western man and I won't use those words just to make a girl feel good. They're strong words not to fool around with.

Quote:
Jason111111: When I was a teenager and in my early twenties, I would tell a girlfriend I love you. As I got older I realized I was just in lust. Today, I'm very reluctant to say "I love you" to a woman unless I truely mean it. It's been a few years since that's happened. The point is, I'm a western man and I won't use those words just to make a girl feel good. They're strong words not to fool around with.

You're a fine gentleman.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/28/2010 11:56PM by Olive.

good to know all above advices. I know what my bf wants to tell me when he said "I love you".

Astroboy Wrote:
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> Uberche: So can a Chinese man.
> I think Westerners are so used to saying the 3
> words they don't know the meaning at all.

I guess that's because you have no idea about westerners as you continually show.

> Michael
> Jackson says in on national TV to the whole world,
> to little boys, to his "wives" and even to Liz
> Taylor. So when does he actually mean it? In the
> Asian context, it would be weird/pretentious for a
> Chinese filmstar to say "wo ai ni" to the
> audience. At most... he/she would say "thank you
> for your support...!".

What bullshit. I rarely pay attention to Chinese music stars and even I know they do the same thing as western stars. Famous people always tell their fans they love them. and their fans say the same thing back.

> I say the 3 words to my gfs only when I mean it.
> Let's face it. You just have a problem trying to
> grasp Chinese mindset and way of life despite your
> efforts.

You seem to be the one having problems understanding things. Older Chinese men have problems saying I love you to their wife but the younger generation is completely different. I suggest you try to pay attention to the younger people a little more.

Street kids like to ape the west. Young couples even kiss and fondle each other inside metro trains. But that's in no way typical nor acceptable social behavior.

As a foreigner, you may "think" you heard it because it's been drilled into your brains while growing up in the west. But if you really pay attention, or attend a music concert, you won't really get to hear it - at least not as common as in the west. I think it sounds stupid if a Chinese singer suddenly shout "Wo ai ni!" It will be out of place and the audience may be stunned.

Astroboy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Street kids like to ape the west. Young couples
> even kiss and fondle each other inside metro
> trains. But that's in no way typical nor
> acceptable social behavior.

I lived on University campuses and deal with University students (some of the brightest and best in China according to your government rankings) for years, it's not just street kids telling each other they love each other, it's entire youth of China. Just like In the West the young say I love you too much because they are horny sex starved monkeys.

> As a foreigner, you may "think" you heard it
> because it's been drilled into your brains while
> growing up in the west. But if you really pay
> attention, or attend a music concert, you won't
> really get to hear it - at least not as common as
> in the west. I think it sounds stupid if a
> Chinese singer suddenly shout "Wo ai ni!" It will
> be out of place and the audience may be stunned.

It's not me that "thinks" I've heard it. I asked three of my Chinese friends because I thought that was pretty interesting if true. They all said what I already guessed, Chinese stars, just like Western stars, say it all the time.

I've followed this thread for awhile, and it seems like there may be some unintentional stereotyping in regards to people from the United States concerning the "i love you" subject. Those foreign to the U.S. hear and read news about our music and movie stars, most of which seems to be negative. We hear about it too, and most of the time are not proud of it. The thing is, one can't base his/her opinions on this kind of stuff. What about the rest of the U.S. population and their values and morals - those of us who are not famous and just living regular lives? Foreigners rarely, if ever, hear about them in the news. Neither do we.

The fact of the matter is, some Americans mean it when they say "i love you", and some don't. It just depends on their personal values, and in many cases, their morals. Some don't value those words as much as they should. Some just think they're in love, but still mean it, they think. Others just say it to get that piece of tale. It's wrong, but true.

Then there's those who do value the words, which is most of the American population by far. So, please don't judge American values based on what some ding-a-ling pop star or movie star does and says. Besides, you can't compare yelling "i love you" to an audience with saying it to a loved one. It's just there way of 'upgrading' from a "thank you very much". Keep in mind, my opinions are sincere.

yeah, can not agree more with jason ~~~~~~~~~~

i wish they do this just for love

well.i wanna know what do you think about chinese girls?

Astroboy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Uberche: So can a Chinese man.
> I think Westerners are so used to saying the 3
> words they don't know the meaning at all. Michael
> Jackson says in on national TV to the whole world,
> to little boys, to his "wives" and even to Liz
> Taylor. So when does he actually mean it? In the
> Asian context, it would be weird/pretentious for a
> Chinese filmstar to say "wo ai ni" to the
> audience. At most... he/she would say "thank you
> for your support...!".
>
> I say the 3 words to my gfs only when I mean it.
> Let's face it. You just have a problem trying to
> grasp Chinese mindset and way of life despite your
> efforts.


Well I don't know much about chinese women marring western men cause both my parents are chinese. But from what I've witnessed growing up with my parents and how they raised me ... I have to say I did feel at times they did not love me as their daughter or something because they never said I love you to me. I remember being a little kid and saying, "I love you" all the time to my parents. There was a time when I felt comfortable telling them I loved them but gradually as I got older there was that response they would always give me after I said "I love to you" to them which was not saying "I love you" back to me but giving me this weird look like they don't know what they should say. So I stopped saying it to them. My mom says she would rather feel love for the other person in their hearts than say it (which is exactly what she does). I guess she was inclining to the fact it's not easy for her to say those three words (wo ai ni) to any body not even my dad. I have to admit my parents are still very traditional chinese people .. that's why they are like that and it makes me sad. Cause when I was growing up I couldn't live as an chinese american but only as a chinese. I was always seeing those american t.v. shows where the whole family sits together and hangs out and talk about important stuff or the daughter helps the mom cook in the kitchen and I was always vying for since my parents never gave me that. They're the type of ppl who keep to themselves and don't know how to talk about stuff that american/western ppl talk aboiut. The closest my mom has ever gotten to giving me the sex talk was referring to the act of sex as "that" (chinese: na ge). And when my first periods came and went she always asked if my "thing" was over for the month (she referred to "thing" as a reference to my period using the chinese words : ni de dong xi). Over the years our dinners have become very quiet.
For myself if I were to marry a non chinese i suppose I would be drawn more to a person without the same cultural upbringing as mine as I always wanted to break away from my parents' influence. I mean, my whole relationship with them is very awkward. We've hardly spoken about important issues unless I'm the one to bring them up. When I get home my parents don't ask me, "How was your day?" or "How was school?" They don't ask anything. Sometimes it feels like I've raised myself b.c. we just don't talk.
Again with the I love you thing ... I only really think more traditional minded chinese people who only say i love you if they really mean it. But what I have disliked is not getting that kind of feedback from my parents except only in dire moments (like if I'm have a crisis at school and all of a sudden they pay attention to me like that).

Everyone has his own taste. Others do not have the right to say anything unless the taste hurts the public.

Nat, your parents were exactly the kinds of Chinese folks I had in mind when I said Chinese generally do not say the 3 words freely. Hugging and other displays of affection are also not commonly practiced. The Chinese wenhua (culture) throughout the generations have been based on a patriarchal system where the father is the head of the family and they have authority over women and children. Hence, the father (or parents) have to put up this "front" as serious authoritarians. It is unlike the western way where parents + children can be best friends and soulmates. I empathize with your situation as I have a American Chinese friend who had the same problem. She acts and thinks American but when she gets up in the morning and looks in the mirror, she sees this Chinese face staring back at her and she is wondering who she is (identity crisis).

However, with western influence and the eagerness of the younger generation of chinese to adopt western wenhua, the Chinese way may soon be eroded. I would imagine the next generation of Chinese would be more giving in terms of open displays of affection, using the 3 words, etc.

Nathalie112689 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Well I don't know much about chinese women marring
> western men cause both my parents are chinese. But
> from what I've witnessed growing up with my
> parents and how they raised me ... I have to say I
> did feel at times they did not love me as their
> daughter or something because they never said I
> love you to me. ...

A lot of Western people think 'What if this person dies before I see them again? What will my last words to them be? How can I live with myself if our last words together were in anger?'.
That is why they always say 'I love you' all the time, esp. to family.
I cannot imagine ending a conversation with one of my family members without saying 'I love you'.
When my kids say to me, I love you', I say 'I love you more' .
This happens with EVERY conversation.

Peace.