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Can u explain what happened?
Posted by: Faten84 (IP Logged)
Date: November 04, 2008 06:21AM
I have always respected chinese people. I think they're lovely, peaceful, and good. I just have a little problem these days.What you are about to read is not my opinion about all chinese girls, it's just something I am living in this moment.

I moved to a new house in September, to live with two chinese girls (we’re all students). They are new in europe, and in the beginning they expressed their wish to live together as a family (like sisters). I was very glad to hear that, i mean, after four years in Italy, it was possible to live like family..

So i invited them when my friends came, to eat together, to get out together.. and everything seemed to be going on well for a while, until i invited my best friend Giacomo to dinner and one of the girls was at home that day. I invited her to stay with us, because i felt sorry to have fun leaving her so lonely just four feet away from us.

In brief, as soon as Giacomo went out, she asked me a few questions(i.e. Is his house nice and big? Is it his own house or does he pay for the rent? Does he have a car? A nice car?) It looks like she liked the answers, the next day he knew everything about her, her life, her dreams… (she had added his address in msn the first time she met him)

She told him he was so handsome, and she was too ugly! She said she had never been kissed before, and that for tradition he couldn’t even touch her before marriage (Only kisses!) and she asked to be his girlfriend just two days later! She also told him that her parents would take her back in china if they knew she had an italian bf, and that she could do anything but stay with an italian guy. She must marry a chinese man. Is this true?

Let me say clearly that I don't have a problem if they stay together, but things have changed. Now this girl doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, and doesn't want me to know anything about them or talk about him... she goes out with him without even letting me know (i knew later from him), she doesn't want him to come to our house. (she can’t be jealous, i have my own fiancè, we’re getting married next month).
I can't understand why he does what she wants, but once again I say it's not a problem to me.

In the end, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I talked with Giacomo, I told him everything and even though said I was right, he made it clear enough to me that he preferred a chance with her than my friendship. I have lost my best friend...

Is it possible that a girl say traditions are very strict and she respects them too much, and then in an instant change everything? I mean can a girl wait twenty years before getting her first kiss, and then she kisses a guy she met a day before? But why doesn't she want me to be his friend anymore?? I am missing something here (other than my lost friend)... Help me understand, please.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/06/2008 01:41AM by Faten84.

Re: Can u explain what happened?
Posted by: Guo.Zhixue (IP Logged)
Date: November 05, 2008 10:49PM
I am sorry to read your story. As a Chinese guy, I would like to say that this girl may have some own problems. It is not true that Chinese tradition, as in Ming Dynasty, is still strongly restricting girls. In contrary, nowadays the Chinese girls are somewhat open towards sex and marriage... (Not to touch a girl before the mariage? Nonsense!)According to the information I get, I can only infer that she is using the tradition as an excuse to neglect her being native in love. As for your friendship with that boy, her lack in self-confidence may account, since she says that she finds herself ugly... All in all, I am sorry to know that you lost your friend, but please do not worry about the Chinese girl.

Re: Can u explain what happened?
Posted by: Faten84 (IP Logged)
Date: November 08, 2008 02:48AM
Thank u for ur reply smiling smiley

She is not ugly, I think it was part of the plan. U know, i am ugly but u're very handsome. I am very afraid of the dark. I have never been to the sea before. I never had a bf before.... All these things she said the next morning. He told me right away about it -he was very happyeye rolling smiley.
I think she wanted him to feel risponsible for her -the poor lonely girl, and as far as I can see, she did that very welleye popping smiley.

Thank u again, it's a relief finding people who understand me. I was starting to think that I was the real problem here...

Re: Can u explain what happened?
Posted by: Jiwei (IP Logged)
Date: November 08, 2008 03:40AM
good girlthumbs up

Re: Can u explain what happened?
Posted by: Zjhzlk (IP Logged)
Date: November 08, 2008 11:52PM

I am feel deeply sorry for the stuff she did. But i hope you can understant that do not stand for most Chinese as you mentioned at the begining of your thread.

As far as i am concerned, i would move out or ask she move out the next day, no kidding. If she treats you like a friend, she should never have done that which is completely evil to me. Well, if i were you, may be i can tolerate the gossipy words like "Is his house nice and big? Is it his own house or does he pay for the rent? Does he have a car? A nice car?", but there is no way i can put up with the following things she've done to you. That's absolutely unfair to you and believe me she must be an experts at doing this. You know sometime people say nice things to you on the surface but deep down they are just doing exactly the opposite. And i would say no matter where you from, there are alway some jealousy people around you and they just want to occupy every inch of yours.

But the good thing is that makes you know her much better at this early stage and i believe you will make a wise choose next. Also, you really need to seriouly considerate whether that guy is your best friend. No good guy should be fascinated by such a XXXXX. I am totally feel shame on her.

And you'll get over with it and good luck!

If you have any further question you can contact me at [email protected]
At least, i definitely know Chinese better than you do, rightsmiling smiley

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/09/2008 12:19AM by Zjhzlk.

Re: Can u explain what happened?
Posted by: Eellis1010 (IP Logged)
Date: November 20, 2008 07:40PM
Hello……..You have lost a friend and that can be painful, it is natural to feel confused. Now I ask you this, you have a fiancé whom you love, also who you have met in your mind way before you met him. What I want to make clear is that this would have happened be the girl Chinese or not.

I am sure you consider your self an open-minded person to some degree; still, place your fiancé in your friends place and you in the girls. Now this part requires some honesty on your part. How would you feel if his best friend was a woman you really did not know that well. Think of them having their own private jokes with you in the room. Their own special places they have gone and you are reminded whenever he takes you to them and take you he would.

Think of all the memories they share that you will never be a part of. Think of your first argument, would you be at ease knowing he went to her for comfort.

In a perfect world it should work but we are all cursed by emotions…….Your friends mind is clouded right now, women do that to you know. As for her, well……..the name of the game is to marry up.

He’ll be back.

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