Hello, I have gotten someone to translate one of my English poems into Chinese. Although I am a beginning learner of Chinese, I am not advanced enough to evaluate the translation. Would someone like to offer an opinion of the translation? If so, please see below. Thanks for your help.


A link to an image of the translated poem is:

[picasaweb.google.com]


The poem in english is:
-----------------------------
beloved, my soul is for you
as the flower is for the morning dew

as the treetops are for the evening breeze
as the moonlight is for pacific seas

and sometimes too

as the lightning is for the thunderous crash
as the untamed fire for the blackened ash

beloved, i have known love in lives lived past
but none such as this

I have a 2nd translation of the same poem - please offer your opinion of this one too. I have noticed that "pacific seas" (line 4 of original) appears to have been translated as "big sea" due to a misunderstanding of "pacific" (as in "calm", or "quiet"). Are there other problems?


心爱的，我的灵魂为你而存在
正如花儿盛开为了清晨的露珠
树梢为了迎接夜晚的微风
月光为了照亮平静的大海
而且有时也会是，
闪电伴随着雷鸣的撞击
熊熊火焰燃烧为黑色灰烬
心爱的，过去我也曾有过爱情
但从未像这一次